By way of an introduction

I am sitting in a house on the island of Naxos, one of the most beautiful islands in the Cyclades, which is known to many for the inspiration it offers, something I will need in great quantities to begin this book. I have been here for ten days now, next to a wonderful sandy shoreline, and the climate is, in spite of it being December, very mild. The sun shines every day, it rains a little, in showers, and the local people are complaining about the constant shortage of water. There are a lot of colors around me; colors help me awaken my energy centers - without open chakras, as they are also called, there is no writing nor any other kind of creation. At least not such that it would simply pour out of you. A lot of blue color in the sky and in the sea opens the throat center, which is the center of creativity. While strolling on the beach I soak in, as I call it, the young green color of fields newly planted with wheat, which opens my heart center. Yes, I will need a great deal of love and sensuality to let all my memories, all my life so far, and my past lives, flow through me and live on the paper in front of you.

I am not a writer and I will probably not write anything else but this book. Everything that I have written so far has been articles for school journals, essays and letters to friends, lovers...

Two years ago if somebody had said to me that some time in my life I would write a book, I would have pronounced him a lunatic. A year and a half ago, Celia, a wonderful lady whom I met on an eleven-day course for rebirthing therapists, said to me: "Lydia, write down what you are telling me now! Writing a book about yourself will do you good." Celia, who was then our assistant, is an extremely sensuous person; the moment I saw her during the initial get-together, I said to myself: "That's my vibration." And so it remained for all eleven days. Celia can see and she clearly saw this book that is now in front of you. Although I trusted her completely, since she helped me to make conscious some extremely painful childhood memories, I looked at her with amazement and said: "Come on, Celia, you must be joking. Me a writer? Who would be interested in all this? And besides, I have no talent for writing!" Celia did not try to persuade me, she just quietly said: "Just you wait and see."

At that time I thought that I was a completely uncreative person, and you are what you think. All my thoughts, including this one which has, since I was four years old, been deeply planted in me, actualized, became reality. For as long as I can remember, I saw artists as gods, I wanted to make contact with them, I was obsessed with reading, going to exhibitions, museums, classic movie cinemas... It did not help. Art was outside me, somewhere far away, out of reach. That is what I thought. I still did not know then that I was everything that I saw outside me, all that I perceive, hear, feel, that I was all that. My world was a world of duality: I am here - art is there. Do you see?

To become creative was my second greatest wish. I knew that wishes came true, since I never had any problems making minor things come true. My life has, as you will see, flown quite nicely, at least with regard to the rest of the world.

What about my first and greatest wish?

For as long as I have been aware of myself, and this is based on what I have known about myself now for at least twenty thousand years (yes, you read it correctly), and in this life for at least ten years, I have known that every human being on Earth, and probably elsewhere in the Universe as well, has his or her other half, his or her partner, his or her lucky star. I knew that, but I hardly dared to admit that to myself silently, in secret. Someone was waiting for me, someone who is of the same color (by this I do not mean the color of their skin), of the same smell, who plays the same music as I do. He was waiting, we were waiting to find each other. It is the same as if you were searching for a long-lost part of yourself, without which this wonderful integrity, oneness, wholeness does not exist. I am crying, since the memories of millennia of separation from my other part are so strong, so present...

It has been more than a year now since we recognized each other; we knew each other before that, but we still had to unite our inner parts, our inner man and woman in order to recognize each other externally. His name is Alec and he is sitting in the same room, writing a book on..., but just now he is working on his car which is one of his greatest passions.

We moved away from people, city noise, Ljubljana smog, the endless ringing of telephones, away from everything that disperses our energy into thousands, millions of small pieces. Why?

In June this year, Alec conducted his first intensive course on enlightenment. During communications, when I was extremely open, I realized that all things, all books, paintings, inventions were already completed on some plane finer than our physical, as we like to call it. I saw that everything was already here, that it only had to descend to Earth. First I saw my new painting on the kitchen wall. I saw it clearly, I was not surprised since I have painted for a year now, and I am putting down my extremely strong feelings on canvas or paper. Painting is now one of my favorite ways of expressing myself.

What surprised me was this book, which I am writing now. I saw a book in front of me, with my name, title, front page, which was approximately 350 pocket-size pages long and was translated into several languages. This was something completely new to me! It is true that in the last year, since I met Alec, my life has changed thoroughly and with such speed that I could hardly keep up with it. But anyhow! Lydia, who only two years ago wanted a peaceful, ordinary life now has a book, which is read in different languages by many people! I never dared to imagine something like this, not even in my dreams. I never dared to wish for great things. I preferred to limit myself and live within limits, which I allowed for and set quite strictly. But as I mentioned before, a human being reaches as far as his limits are set, as far as his thoughts dare to go, as far as his mind expands. I know that I am infinite, that my mind is infinite and for a long time now there have not been any limits for me. They collapsed slowly and gently and new horizons opened up to me, new dimensions of life. Sometimes I still build a small fence for myself, and I watch it closely for some time until it collapses and disappears on its own.

Let me go back to the time when I was on the intensive course. When I saw what I just described to you, and experienced this magnificent current of life, the whole thing seemed a bit funny to me. I felt small and magnificent at the same time. If everything is already there, if everything is already written, drawn or invented, well what then are we doing here? Why do we bang our heads against the wall with such force? Why do we try that hard, why do we rack our brains, torment and destroy ourselves? Everything is already here! Everything is already made! The God in us has already made everything and with such perfection that our poor and insignificant intellect cannot imagine it. And what is our task then? Nothing, we just have to let things happen when the time comes for them to descend to Earth and materialize, and in the meantime we can have great fun.

Many people understand this as meaning that they can sit at home and stare at the wall and everything will be done: dirty laundry washed, dinner cooked, the book written... No, non-acting has nothing to do with waiting, since the one who sits and waits already acts. One sits and waits, of course! Maybe this is not the right word. When I find a better one, I will replace it, but for now I will try to explain this to you with my example. When we got back home from the intensive course, I needed a few days of rest, and then I got restless again. I took some old lacy panties, cut them up and started coloring piece by piece and sticking them onto paper. I simply grabbed whatever colors came to hand - a current flowed through me so strongly that it was impossible to stop it. Either you let the current flow through you or the current finishes you off. Maybe you think I am exaggerating; I only wish that you, too, could feel what I experience while I am painting or doing something else. With all the power of creation, one of my best paintings was then produced and a few days passed before Alec framed it and hung it on the wall. The painting hangs now in the kitchen where I saw it before, it became "flesh", I enjoyed the creation and had fun. That was when I saw for the first time how things were actually simple, how absurd it was to sit in front of an empty canvas or unwritten pages, to search for the idea, the inspiration and face "artist's block", or whatever it is called, and at the same time drink liters of coffee and smoke heaps of cigarettes, not to mention something stronger which can get to you more easily, so that the work will be really "cool", something out of this world. I think these things are already behind us, at least for many people that I know, who without such effort and poison let things flow through them. My dears, it is not fashionable any more, you will see! People are becoming more and more conscious, cleaner, and ideas flow through them smoothly, without unnecessary traumas, giving them a great time. Madonna for instance. She does not go anywhere without her cook who prepares macrobiotic food for her, she has lots of exercise, jogs and lives, we could say, a really healthy lifestyle. She would never be able to let so much energy flow through her, if her lifestyle was different, if she smoked and poisoned herself with food... In the past, many celebrities helped themselves with drugs. It is true, they were open, ideas flowed through them, but their bodies deteriorated, they died young or they said goodbye to the audience as old men (forgive me, great celebrities, but that is how I see you). But I see Madonna, in contrast to them, becoming more beautiful every day, with a wonderful body and new ideas. Bravo! The New Age in your own home, no doubt about it!

A month and a half after the intensive course, Alec and I went to the Kornati, islands which are still supposed to be an unspoiled part of the Adriatic. But to our great sorrow we realized that the sea was dying here, as well, and that in summer it is difficult to find a spot on the shore where you could be really alone and where you could get away from the "most wonderful" acquisitions of civilization. But nevertheless, in spite of the floods of tourists, we succeeded in opening ourselves more than we could have in the city where we lived. In a few days, three new paintings "flowed" through me. But since I did not have any painting gear with me, they had to wait until September, and even until December, since one of them got its "earthly" image only here on Naxos. One morning I woke up full of energy and again I witnessed such a mighty flow of energy that I thought this would be my end and that I would start the book then. It was as if something was pressing the top of my head and trying to slide down whether I wanted it to or not. And this feeling, this pressure follows you everywhere. While eating, on the beach, while exercising, making love - wherever you are and whatever you do, thoughts form themselves into sentences and all you need to do is put them on paper. But I was still not ready to write and I have to admit that I imagined writing as hard work, an obligation, and I was also afraid that I was not capable of it, and so on... New patterns!

Both Alec and I saw then that we would write, but we could not imagine how this would happen, since our work was closely connected with a number of small chores, we were in contact with many people, we were just about to move house and arrange our new home, so we could not imagine how books could be created in such chaos.

In October we decided to go to Greece, to a less tourist island, where we could find enough peace for work which we wanted to attend to and which put more and more pressure on us. I took four big canvases with me and on Naxos I immediately found a carpenter who made four frames for smaller canvases. After two days of adjustment, I decided to fast for four days, something which had already become a habit with me, in order to quickly lose the "old" energy, which was still accumulated in my body, and to let the energy flow with a greater force through my body, to which I granted some rest during that time.

And actually I started working straight away. First I finished the canvas which I had already started in Ljubljana, then I painted the one from the Kornati and soon afterwards two new canvases were created: new ideas, immediately transferred to the physical plane. The room where we slept, ate and worked was small and soon the canvases took up so much space that I wanted to do something else. There was not enough room for all the paintings and I decided that it would really be better to start writing, since a notebook or two would not choke me and take up my space. Thus I created a situation (I also ran out of some paint and I would have had to wait for at least ten days for my sister to bring it) that made me want to start writing.

It is Sunday and a beautiful day has dawned, the most beautiful since we arrived. The sea is calm, the day is sunny and it is as warm as in late spring in Slovenia. Lizards are sunbathing, butterflies have come out of their hiding places, I saw a bumble-bee on my walk and there are wonderful flowers of different colors everywhere, which sprang up after the long awaited rain. It is like our spring, and spring is the time when I always start living in new clothes. It seems that spring has started for me today, several months early, but it is very welcome. Every day since we left Ljubljana, this book has been flowing through me, memories have been opening and started living in front of me again. I designed a short plan, meditated about it a bit and now it is all here, in front of me. Today has arrived with all its wonderful gifts, as if it wanted to welcome my work, my swan song. And I tell you, everything is running so smoothly that I am really rejoicing. For many days I prayed to the God inside me to make my writing as my painting - pure joy and happiness - and now my prayer is answered.

I stand here in front of you and slowly, page by page, I will be wearing less and less clothes. All of a sudden I will remove the last veil and I will be more naked than Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. And this is what I want.

Why did I decide on some subtle plane to write a book, or in other words, why have I already written it there? Although to many it will seem very short at first sight, since I am only thirty-three years old, and my life was not so long ago filled with searching, conflicts, misunderstandings and unexplained events. Slowly the thread started to unwind, the world became more and more perfect and whole day by day, complicated questions found their answers, and now I would like to share all this with you.

We called each other, there is no doubt about it. You called me, I called you. Like attracts like. The reasons why you are reading this book now are different, excuses can also be different, but something is clear: I am writing in order to finally sort out my life and make clear what is still not crystal clear. Because everything a person does, everything he says and explains, he always says only to himself, teaches only himself. Everything you have done under the presumption that you are doing it for others is a pure illusion. There is nothing except you, the creator, the God. Everything is only your creation from the beginning to the end, including what you would like to attribute to other people, maybe to the God up there somewhere in the sky, to the gray-haired sage who arranges all this. No, my dears, if you have decided to read this book - and it is most definitely your own decision - you will have to slowly accept your own divinity, your power of creation. Otherwise it would be better if you laid down the book immediately and stopped losing time with unnecessary reading.

For a long time I have read nothing or almost nothing. All my books - and you will see how many there were - ended up in a second-hand bookshop for people who still believe that the truth is hidden in books. I know that it is not in books, and I also know that it is impossible to teach anybody anything - if anybody thinks that he or she will learn something from this book, then he or she is completely wrong. We met and, as you will see later, that was no coincidence, since coincidences simply do not exist. We called each other, I called you to tell you my story, you called me to help yourself explain yours. We vibrate with the same frequency. And that is all. There is no mysticism, we can finally call the spade a spade.

I do have one wish, though: to all of you who are searching, I would like to ease your search through my experiences, I would like to speak openly about "spiritualism", which modern man is looking for more and more, and reveal as much as I can the mystery of things which not so long ago were mentioned only in closed esoteric circles. Is that enough for you to continue reading? It is a fairly good challenge for me to continue.

I know, and I can also see clearly, that this book will help explain and simplify the lives of nine tenths of all readers, whereas it will harm one tenth. The same holds for a medicine which can heal the majority of sick people, but some take an overdose and it harms them. That is the balancing black dot on the white field of the Chinese yin and yang symbol.

By revealing myself, those closest to me will be revealed as well - my parents, sister, Alec, my daughter Ana, people with whom I was in contact while searching for myself. Some of them will not like it, since when you look in a clear mirror, it also shows your hidden wrinkles, surplus fat, cellulite, everything that you skillfully hide under cosmetics or clothes. I am aware of the fact that I am capable of letting the entire energy of discontent flow through me, the energy that will come from them, that I am strong enough to finally meet my Lady Criticism, with this part of me which I am slowly accepting and which is already losing surplus kilos and is becoming quite an attractive woman who will in time become something.

Over the last year, I also recognized the benefit of conflict and the beauty of the harmony, which it brings, and also destruction, which the world mostly condemns, revealed to me as something wonderful and necessary. The decay of the old always makes space for the new, whereas obstinate forms are not capable of gradual transformation and beg for immediate destruction. So: let opinions clash, let old forms fall apart, let what has been dead for a long time decay, and let illusions disappear! And let us start!